October 22, 2021

SpaceX: “We can Land on Mars by 2024”, Vin Diesel Not Convinced

Los Angeles, CA – SpaceX has achieved some impressive milestones in the last 10 years, transforming itself from a teetering startup into the dominant space launch company in North America. It was the first private company to fly to the International Space Station, the first company to vertically take off and land its lower stage rocket, and it is developing the Starship, the most powerful rocket system in history. CEO Elon Musk has recently stated that SpaceX may even be able to land on Mars by 2024. Vin Diesel, star of The Fast and Furious franchise, isn’t so sure.

“Oh really? That’s bugged out!” Sources close to the musician/actor reported him saying. “Seriously dog, you believe everything you read in the paper? I call bullsh#t” The Pitch Black actor allegedly said.
Elon Musk has taken criticism in the past for making aggressive predictions only to fall behind schedule. Famously promising a Lunar mission by 2021 only to quietly change plans. More recently however SpaceX has been registering notable progress at its Boca Chica, TX facility accomplishing controlled landings of both lower and upper stages of the Starship spacecraft. The Triple X auteur, however, hinted his concerns run deeper.

“Where my Puerto Rican mamis at!?” The ‘Feel Like I Do’ singer opined while taking a selfie, referencing the lack of gender and cultural diversity in the engineering team. “Real talk,” he continues “you don’t need a rocket to go to outer space, my boy Terry will hook you up.” Clearly hinting at the technological alternatives to rockets, namely space elevators and hypersonic catapults.

“Keep watching for Fast [and Furious] comin’ at you in theaters, all love always.” The actor remarked before giving the peace sign and smiling with his head tilted slightly back. Diesel may also have been referring to Hustle and Flow actor Terence ‘Terry’ Howard who founded a controversial branch of mathematics known as ‘Terryology’ the defining principle being one times one equals two.


SpaceX did not comment officially but it was clear the Chronicles of Riddick star’s insight did not go unnoticed.

“We take his criticism very seriously”, a source within the company was quoted as saying, and hinted at the level of damage control the news brought on. “There was something of an all hands meeting when word got out. This obviously rattled leadership pretty hard.’The source went on to describe a tense situation in a Zoom call where SpaceX President Gwyne Shotwell grew visibly emotional. “She kept referring to him as Dominic Torretto, or just Dom, Vin’s character in Fast and Furious, and quoted him line and verse at times…I haven’t slept in 56 hours” the source stated before abruptly hanging up.


When reached for comment Diesel’s publicist referred all media to his Instagram feed. This is not the first time Diesel has shaken up the scientific community. In 2018 he allegedly challenged the then NASA Director Jim Bridenstine “What if that Independence Day sh#t was real?” Prompting an uproar in Congress and launching the Planetary Protection initiative within the organization.